Full Circle
by Seafish0910
Summary: Set after 1004 "Home Again".
1. Chapter 1

They'd stopped and picked up Chinese take out on the way back to her apartment after apprehending the suspect in Philadelphia. He had thought, a few times during the car ride back, that it was almost as though Maggie Scully hadn't died earlier, and that it was like any other case. The only sign she was showing that the event had, in fact, happened, was that she kept fingering that quarter that she'd put around her neck.

A sigh from her brought him out of his thoughts, as he pulled onto the side street that would lead her to the apartment she escaped to after she left. Yet another thing they were somehow able to pretend had never happened, for the most part. "I think this is the perfect evening for a fire," she mused, still looking out the window, through the streams of rain that were making their way towards the ground. He nodded and bit his tongue. "Tis," he glanced over at her as he pulled into a parking space in front of her building.

He could count on one hand the times he had visited her abode. He consciously avoided it, as he was always reminded of the reason she has it in the first place. It was anticlimactic, her leaving, as there was no fight, no blow ups, no blaming him or anything like that, just an "I can't do this anymore", and she began to pack her bags. They'd talked about their split briefly, after she'd signed the papers for the apartment, but she did everything in her power to assure that it never came up after that.

"Home, sweet home," he mumbled and reached into the back seat for the paper bag full of food. She continued to stare out the window. She then looked over at him with a playful question in her eyes. "Yes, I will build you a fire," he agreed to her unasked question and was rewarded with a full-toothed smile.

Two hours later, they were on their third bottle of wine, of which he had only had three glasses of. They'd been laughing over another joke regarding how they had aged over the past 15 years. She shook her head and looked into the fire. "I think she was happy to see you, in the end," she said and fingered the quarter again. "You were the last person she saw," she whispered.

"And of course she was smiling," he played. She didn't glance at him but continued to stare into the fire as she took yet another sip of her wine. "I have never seen you have more than three sips of wine in all the time that I've known you," he reached his arm out and tapped her shoulder. They were both leaning back against the couch, the fire to her left, coffee table in front of them and covered with take out boxes.

"And I'll be paying for it in the morning," she grinned again. She turned and looked at him, as his hand still lingered on her shoulder. "Mulder," she set her glass on the table and scooted only slightly closer toward him.

He lifted his head in question.

"Do you dream about William?" she asked and tucked her hands between her thighs.

It was his turn to look into the fire.

"Scully, I-"

"You never talk about him. I want to know what you think," she said as he looked back at her. "I mean, about him. Your thoughts. Your dreams. I know you do," she said and brought one hand up to bring his into her lap.

He sighed and once again looked into her eyes. "I… think about him at least fifteen times a day," he said quietly.

She nodded and squeezed his hand. He shook his head and looked down at their hands intertwined. "I just… it seems like a battle I fight between being so angry and resisting the urge to search for him," he once again looked into the fireplace.

"Angry… with me?" she quietly inquired.

He slowly shook his head, not meeting her eyes. "No," he then turned to her. "In general. Mad that I don't know what sports he plays, or what his strengths are academically, what… what color hair he has, or his eyes… Is he tall, Scully? Or athletic? Or does he wear glasses? And is he learning to drive, right now? Somewhere, is someone teaching my son all the things he needs to learn?" He shook his head as his eyes glistened over.

She took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. She slid over to him and put her arms around him, laying into his side. "I dream… that I take him to school. I dream that I tell him that I love him, and that he knows it. That he ignores me after school and runs off with his friends. It always ends badly, but I think about the good parts," she sniffled.

He nodded absently as he rubbed her back without thought. "I do dream about him. We have amazing adventures together. And I always lose him, every time," he leaned down and kissed her forehead through her hair.

"I…. I'm so sorry, Mulder," she sobbed. "You didn't even have a choice," she said, brokenly, as her body was suddenly overcome.

He held her tighter to him. "I'm not angry with you," he said softly into her ear, "And I could never blame you. You…" he swallowed. "You are the mother… of my child. You're the strongest person I know. And I know it eats you from the inside," he held her with both arms as she sobbed openly into him.

She pulled back just enough to look in his face. "You're all I have now," she managed. He slightly chuckled. "Nah, Bill would still kick my ass in a heartbeat," he joked.

She laughed slightly. "Mulder, you're the love of my life," she wiped some of his tears. "Even when you drive me bat shit crazy and I move out. I know you worry about… losing me, to someone else," she held his face as he closed his eyes and cried silently. "But it could never be. I love you," she whispered the last word. She knew how much it meant for her to say that, as she so very rarely ever did. He had always been the one to say it so openly and so often. "And you're my family. My mom loves you like her own, I know she still does," she began crying harder again. He pulled her to him and she was now laying on him. He kissed the side of her face twice and held her tight as they both cried.

"Scully," he sobbed, "Don't ever leave me again," he pulled her face back to look in her eyes. "You're all I've ever had," he kissed her gently and pulled her back into him.

"Mulder lets go to bed," she mumbled into his chest.

"That's not what I meant," he pulled her back. "Especially not today-"

She shook her head. "Just to sleep," she stood up and wiped her eyes. He nodded and stood up. "And I have some of your clothes," she smiled as he looked at her questioningly. "I stole them when I left," she answered and turned back toward the bedroom.

"20 plus years later…. And you still keep me guessing," he said as she walked into the bathroom, handing him a shirt and shorts on her way.


	2. Chapter 2

She was staring out the window, absently running slow, small circles over his chest with a finger. Her head was on his shoulder and his right arm was dead weight on her hip. She'd been awake for at least 30 minutes now, watching over email particular branch sway in the breeze outside.

When his arm pulled her closer to him, in his sleep, she knew he was getting closer to consciousness. She glanced up at his face without turning her head.

"What are you thinking about?" he said without opening his eyes. She tapped his chest with the finger she'd been drawing circles with.

"Coming home," she said quietly and his eyes opened.

"Seriously?" he rolled onto his side so he was facing her directly. "If I'd have known taking you to bed one night was going to be so revelatory, I'd have done it months ago," he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "But seriously, that's a pretty big decision to be making right now, with everything else going on," he rubbed her arm with his free hand.

"Well I didn't say I was coming home. I said I was thinking about it." Her arm went to his waist. "I… miss this," she said hesitantly and looked into his eyes. He nodded slowly. Without thinking, she leaned forward and kissed him. His hands were on her face and she was grasping his arm as she fought to minimize the distance between them as quickly as possible. Soon, she had his arms pinned above his head and she paused to look into his eyes.

"Dana…. Are you sure this is what you want? Right now?" he breathed.

"Can you honestly say its not what you want? Right now?" she mocked as she not-so-subtly glanced down between them.

"Well," he surprised her by flipping her over and switching their positions, almost in the blink of an eye. She gasped. "Then let's do this appropriately. He kissed her. "I want," another kiss "to make", a kiss on her neck, "slow," her earlobe, "sweet," the nape of her neck, "love to you," he looked into her eyes. He saw love, desire, and nothing but adoration in those eyes. He was sure she would cry again if he said more, although he was unsure if she even contained as many tears as she'd already shed over the past few days. So, he returned to kissing her and made good on his words.

Hours later, they walked out of the apartment, ready to head towards her mother's house to begin the packing. "Is Bill still in town?" he asked directly. 'No need to sugar coat that one', he thought as she locked the door behind them.

"No," she responded as they began to descend the stairs toward the front door. "He had to get back, he is working on a promotion," she stated and followed him out the door toward her car. "So pretty much you and I get to go through my mother's whole house."

"So," he said looking at her over her car, "Let's see how many secrets your mom had hidden away." He opened the passenger door and slid in after her.

"Mulder, it's my mother you're talking about. She couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it," she said and put the key in the ignition.

"Challenge, accepted." He grinned.

About 20 minutes later they pulled up to her mother's house. She put the car into park, and took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling. "It will never be the same now inside that house," she reached up and fingered the quarter she was wearing. She kept putting it back on, even when the frustration of it's significance made her throw it across the room.

"Do you want some time on your own? I can go get some boxes or lunch or something," he offered.

"No, let's just go. She has a bunch of old storage bins that we should fill up before we go buy boxes," she said and got out of the car.

It didn't surprise him that the second they walked into the house, she took her cardigan off and was ready to work. They'd both worn casual clothes, knowing they might be doing harder-than-average labor at Mrs. Scully's home. "Where to start, Starbuck?" he gestured to the living room.

"My dad's office," she stated and opened the closet nearest the front door, revealing a stack of plastic organizational bins with the lids contained sideways in the top box. She slid them out and he lifted them up and followed her down the hallway and to the left, opening the last door on the right before the bathroom. He had never been inside this room of the house. He was surprised that it seemed to have not been altered since he was alive. At least, he assumed this was all Captain Ahab's naval décor.

It was a large room for an office, but not quite as big as a bedroom. There was a well-worn espresso brown leather chair in one corner, facing a 50 inch television that was mounted on the opposite wall. The large cherry dresser housed an older Apple computer that her mother probably still used. Above the computer were all sorts of books – a few atlas', some classic books, and a few photo albums that she hadn't recognized. Mulder was in a trance studying the ships in a bottle collection the elder Scully had apparently spent his whole life obtaining. There were at least a hundred different sized bottles, the largest no bigger than the palm of his hand. Each had different ships. Some had sand, some had the glass painted blue in what he assumed to represent water. Scully, on the other hand, had opened the closet and was frowning at the boxes haphazardly stacked within.

"I don't think I really thought about how long this is all going to take," she reported and put her hands on her hips. He stood up straight and turned to her.

"Well, you could start with something less intense. What's in the chest?" he motioned toward the long chest resting against the east wall.

"As far as I know, it's empty. Mom was going to get rid of it after dad passed, but I guess she never got to it," she walked over and kneeled in front of it. "Except why would it have a lock on it if it was empty?" she asked aloud, more to herself than Mulder.

He walked to the desk and did a quick inventory. Upon not finding a key, he opened the top right drawer. "Bingo," he pulled out a key and handed it to her. She put the key in the lock and removed it from the chest. She handed him the key and lock without looking up, and he placed them both on the desk next to the computer. She leaned back on her heels and observed the inside of the chest. Inside were what appeared to be hundreds of letters, all laying in rows. The ones that she could read without moving them were all addressed to a Maggie Scully, to a PO box in the city. There were larger envelopes, and a photo album in the chest as well.

"Ooooh, was your mom having a secret romance?" he came and sat near her. She leaned forward, ignoring him, and began to look through the letters, jumping from the far left to the far right of the rows.

"It looks like they are in order, by date," she said, more to herself than to him.

"So how long has she been receiving these then?" he pulled out the first one, from the back of the farthest left row. "This one was sent on September 23, 2003," he pulled out the letter from the envelope and looked at the date on top. "But it was written on the 20th of that month," he slid the letter back in through the side of the envelope. It appears as though she had preserved the envelopes as best as she could by using her letter opener on one of the sides.

Instantly, her hand clutched the quarter at the base of her neck. "September 20, 2003," she whispered and took the necklace off. "Mulder," she handed him the quarter. "Let me see the letter," she took it from him and pulled the piece of paper back out of the envelope. After what seemed like the longest minute ever, she looked at him. He was instantly worried and had noted that there was no color in her face. She stood up and bolted out the room and into the restroom, dropping the letter near him. He had just picked it up when he heard her violently retching in the toilet. He turned it over to the back. It was signed "Martha Van de Kamp" and next to it was a scribble that she had put parenthesis under that had said "(William)".


	3. Chapter 3

*****hey everyone, sorry about the previous upload of this chapter. Thanks to those of you who let me know there was coding and whatnot. No idea how that happened. In any case, it's fixed now! *******

-×-×-×-×- I tried to keep them true to character in this chapter but it was a struggle. There's a little more mush but it's also important... next chapter will be better regarding characterization. I wanted to give the followers something to tie you over since I've been holding out; it is hard for me to update during the week but I try!-×-×-×-

She was wiping her face with a cold washcloth when she heard the door slam. She walked out the restroom, through the hallway, into the kitchen and opened the screen door that led into the backyard. "Mulder-"

"I need a minute, Scully," he kept walking toward the property line which led into about three acres of forested land.

"Mulder, we both need to talk-"

"We both need to talk? Both of us do?" He turned around and began walking back toward her. "You sure seem to be saying 'we' a lot Scully, but I recall having no input 15 years ago," He stopped short. She instantly froze over. "Scully-"

"You're right, Mulder, you do need a minute," she said and turned around. She walked back into the house without looking back, letting the screen door slam behind her and shutting the main door behind her. She leaned against the door and threw her hands over her mouth, stifling a sob. Literally every blood cell in her body willed this to not be happening. She walked into the kitchen and looked out the window. He was once again walking toward the woods.

About forty minutes later, she was sitting at the kitchen table, having moved only enough to sit down. She had her hands clasped at her mouth and was rubbing her bottom lip with one of her thumb nails. The door opened slowly. She didn't look up at him as he took the chair next to her and sat down facing her directly. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that," he whispered and pulled her hands down.

She met his eyes. "You have every right to blame me," she managed, "or to hate me, or to feel whatever you're feeling," she swallowed and left his gaze. "But I just want you to tell me," she once again met his eyes. "If we can't talk about it… Mulder, we have to talk about it," she almost begged him.

"Jesus Scully, you are all full of surprises lately," he joked. "I think we've talked more the past week than we have in the 23 years we've been together," he grabbed one of her hands as she held his gaze. "I don't hate you. I don't blame you. I blame me, but that shouldn't be a surprise," he noted that her mouth twitched at that. "I… think that this has been one hell of a week, and that I have no idea how to process any of this. I mean, your mom…" he shook his head as she looked away, tears glazing her eyes over. "She's known where he's been… for 13 years. Scully, I have no goddamn clue how to respond to that. She.." He shook his head again.

"I don't even have words," she whispered, barely audible. "She never told us…. She never told me," she looked at him pleadingly. "She didn't talk to me for months when I gave him up," she managed. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm not sure whether I'm more surprised that she hid it or more surprised she managed to keep it a secret," she said in a more audible tone. He chuckled and brought his hands to rub his eyes.

"Well… why don't we order in, and hole up in there with those letters and pictures and whatever else is in there," he suggested. "I…. you believe everything happens for a reason, right?" she glanced up at him quickly. "I mean… if that's so, then this was meant to happen. Maybe this is how we can get to know our son," he said as she once again lost control of her tears. He pulled her to him.

"Mulder… I haven't cried this much since you died," she said followed by a chuckle.

"Ha! Well… we Mulder men have that effect," he rubbed her back. "Dana, I know it's only noon. But why don't you go take a shower, get changed into some of those old college sweatpants I know you still have upstairs, and I'll take care of the food. If we're going to do this, we are going to do it right," he said and pulled her back.

"mm," she smiled slightly. "Mulder?" her arms were around his ribs, his hands at her shoulders.

"Scully?" he repeated.

"Tell me," she smiled again.

He took a sharp breath in and studied her face. "It has been so long," he whispered. She didn't reply but kept his gaze. He moved his hands to her neck, a comfortable position as he leaned his forehead against hers. "Dana Katherine Scully," he began, "I promise to love you until the day I die, and into my next life, and the one after that. I promise to never make fun of your petite stature, and to always be your thermos when it's freezing," he swallowed.

She closed her eyes and took a breath in.

"I promise, to take you as you are, your imperfections being perfect to me," he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his other hand not moving from her neck, "Your heart will always be safe with me… and I will never ditch you without calling first," he loved that she always smiled and closed her eyes when he said that part. "For better, or for worse," he finished. She smiled and was attempting to restrain more tears. She leaned in and kissed him and then leaned into a hug.

She contemplated that first time he said it, when they had gone off on that one vacation they have shared in their entire time together. Their vows shared in candlelight with the ocean seconds away. She would occasionally ask him to tell her again, after a tough day at work, after a fervent session of making love, or just when she needed to hear it. She had probably asked him to tell her 6 times within the last ten years. But every time she did, he recited the same thing, word for word. And every time he did she felt his words inside of her, touching her soul. This is what it felt like to be alive. To be loved. To be enough.

"What should we order?" he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Anything but pizza," she responded "My high school love still works at the local pizza parlor," she pulled back.

"So… Pizza it is," he joked.

She took a deep breath. "I'm going to take a shower. There are some of bills old clothes upstairs as well," she suggested and stood up.

"It'll be a cold day in hell when that happens," he said and pulled out his phone to look for delivery.

"Suit yourself," she called from the hallway.

He wondered if Bill senior had any clothes remaining. "Doubtful," he grumbled and scrolled down the list of restaurants.


	4. Chapter 4

*~*~*~*~*~ Sorry it's been a week since I posted. Here's a snack to keep you held over until the next time I can update:) *~*~*~*~

She leaned her head up against the wall of the shower as the water cascaded over her. She didn't feel like one thought was putting itself together in her head. It was like a movie mixed with feelings and words that did not make any comprehensible sense.

"Hey Scully? You okay?" Mulder called through the cracked bathroom door.

She opened her eyes and realized where she was. She didn't know how long she had been in the shower, but the water was still warm which had to mean something. "I'll be right out," she answered.

"Okay… you've been in the shower for 45 minutes, " he said wearily.

"I'm sorry, I lost track of time," she responded blankly.

"Okay, the food is here so I'll just meet you in your dad's office," he said and shut the door again.

She once again stared into the water spraying down at her and wished it could just wash it all away so that she could start all over. But is that what she really wanted?

He had all the food laying on the coffee table in the office when she entered. "So, you found chinese food. Again," she said and sat next to him on the floor in front of the low table. "And you found clothes," she rubbed his back and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. Surprised by her sudden intimacy, he leaned back slightly.

"Who are you and what have you done with Scully?" he joke.

She shook her head and stared straight ahead. "Do you ever just wish you could start over? Go back and change it?"

He studied her eyes. "Well are you thinking of changing a specific event, or just life in general?" He instantly regretted asking the question as soon as it came out. She fingered one of the letters in the chest in front of them. She shook her head.

"I don't think I would have changed a day. Having him with us, though… God, I don't know," she pulled out the first letter. "I also don't know how you can eat, this whole thing has my stomach in knots, she pulled the letter out of the envelope. "Should we start at the beginning?" she already had the letter opened and ready. She looked up into his eyes.

"What do you think this will change for us? I guess, what do we hope to get out of it?" He diverted.

"Well, Mulder, let's just see where they take us," she said and began reading the letter aloud.

"Hi Maggie, please forgive the shortness of this letter. I honestly am surprised and unsure of what could come from our being in correspondence. I am glad you reached out, as I agree that kids should have as much family as possible, despite their parents, whatever limitations…" her voice caught on a partial sob "… they may have. I will agree to be in touch with you via letters. And I will try to be as detailed as possible. We love William as our own, and he has such a bright personality. I've provided a small picture of him for you. As for the next letter, because I am still so shell-shocked, would you mind putting together some questions that you might have to jump start this? I guess you can see by the photo, but he is a very healthy baby and has quite a few teeth, which is not surprising as his third birthday is coming up in a few months. He is very vocal, especially at bedtime. We tried everything and finally realized that the only thing that puts him to sleep is if I sing to him! I'm guessing that is something his birth mother instilled. We are so grateful for the opportunity…" she closed her eyes quickly and brushed tears away "to raise him, and we hope that William's mother knows that he is loved so, so much. May the lord bless you on your path, sincerely, Martha."

Mulder reached in for the photo album, and opened up to the first page. He was hoping that the photos were in order as the letters were. The first photo was of a chubby little toddler smiling broadly, with teeth here and there. He had light brown hair and bright blue eyes. His eyes were glazed with tears. Scully leaned in and fingered the picture through the plastic. "Blue eyes…" she murmured.

"He's beautiful, Scully," he said without looking up. "He has your eyes, and my mouth," she nodded and smiled. Tears were freely flowing down her cheeks. This was so bittersweet. She didn't know whether to be happy or to run to the bathroom and puke again.

"You read the next one," she took the photo book and held it on her lap while she handed him the second letter. "Let's see what Mom asked her," she laughed and again wiped tears.

"Hopefully she asked if they are going to explain to him about aliens," he said and pulled the letter out.

"The likelihood of her asking about how many times a week they go to church, is more like it," she said. "open the letter, Mulder," she said impatiently.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, yes, it's been 5 months since I uploaded. I can only say sorry, as I know how much it blows when I am left waiting. I will TRY to be more frequent!**

Four hours and many tears and laughs later, they had one stack of letters to Mulder's left, and a whole chest-full left to go. Scully had ended her food strike, and had eaten a healthy amount of food. At some point, Mulder had lay down on the couch and Scully had joined him, sitting at his feet. He had put his feet on her lap at one point, and she complained he was making her legs numb, so they'd both compromised to curl up a bit. After 4 hours, they had only gotten through William's 4th birthday.

"Call it a night?" Mulder's arms were crossed and he was chewing on a mint toothpick he found on her father's desk.

She frowned and closed the photo album on her lap. She glanced at the clock on the wall. Her mother had kept everything in this room clean and functioning for the past 20 years. She thought for a moment how her mother still used this office on occasion, but that it still held her father's spirit. "I don't know how I'll sleep after this," she said and turned towards him.

"Honestly, I feel like I might sleep better than I ever have. I feel…" He looked to the window for a moment. "I think I feel a little bit at peace, honestly," he said and turned back to her. "In a way, Scully, we get him back."

She snapped her head back to him.

"I mean, a piece of him. Maybe this is how we get to have him. We will likely have a lot of our questions asked. I mean we already know sort of what he looks like based on these pictures. I feel like this is going to unfold like a never-ending lotus," he said and sat up.

"Hmm," she patted his knee. "We do still have a whole house to pack up and go through. And I think your sudden sense of calm is contagious. I feel like I just got slapped in the face by the sandman," she sat forward and put her legs on the ground. "Come on Mulder, let's go to bed," she stood up.

He sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. "You go on up Scully, I'll be right behind you," he said and glanced up at her, his hands dropping to his knees loosely. "I'm just going to take a moment to process… this," he gestured towards the chest full of letters.

"I can't promise I'll be awake by the time you make it up the stairs," she said and ran a hand through his hair. "goodnight Mulder," she said and left the room.

He took another glance around the office. Part of him wanted to search through drawers and hack into the computer and search for emails or other modes of communication Maggie may have been using. Instead, he took a deep breath and decided that these letters would have to do.

He stood up, looked at the ceiling, and sent a silent "thank you" to Maggie.

When he awoke in the morning, he could feel eyes staring him down. "You know, you could be considered a creeper with the way you stare at sleeping folks," he said and finally opened his eyes.

"If you're not even opening your eyes, how do you know I'm being a creeper?" She lifted herself onto her elbow as he greeted the day by staring at the ceiling.

"Because, Scully, your eyes are like laser beams, I feel you watching me like a piece of steak that's on a grill," he said and glanced over at her.

"Disgusting," she replied and plopped back down so that she was now staring at the ceiling. "Well, where do we start today?" she asked no one in particular.

He tapped his stomach. "Well, how about we start with a letter and then work for two hours and then read another letter. I imagine we aren't going to be able to wait until the evening to learn about when our son had a complete set of teeth," he said and glanced over at her again.

"You mean YOU can't wait. I have nothing but control," she said and grinned, still staring at the ceiling, knowing exactly what response this would trigger in him.

"I have reason to believe you're lying," he said as his hand made his way under the blankets and towards an undisclosed location.

"Ha-AAAAAH," she didn't even try to fight it.

"Or maybe we could stay here for two more hours and have a delayed start," he mumbled and rolled toward her.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

*So sorry it's been more than a year since I updated. I don't have a lot of reasons except I was living my life and reading other people's fanfics ;P I updated another story earlier and hopefully I can get to all of them that are just chillin, too. In any case, just enjoy! This is most likely the final chapter! Unless I can figure out how to keep it going haha.

After a long week of cleaning out her mother's house, having a garage sale, and consulting with real estate agents about selling her house, Scully felt that she was unable to take a breath. She slumped onto her couch and stared ahead at the dark fireplace. She had come here with the plan to pack up some clothes and head out to the house. She processed some of what had happened over the week: cleaning out her mother's home and finding the chest full of evidence that her mother had known about William's life for the past 13 years. They had read one or two letters per day, and learned about William's mischievous personality; hiding his bottles and cups and that if he didn't sleep with his stuffed elephant, he cried for hours until they found it. She never anticipated that she would have even half of the details that she now knew, and there was still a full chest to go through. She closed her eyes and kneaded her neck, tilting it to the side. She supposed she should get a bag together to head to the house, where they had hauled the full chest with the hopes of going through it together. That was another thing she had to process- falling right back into Mulder's arms. Of course it was never her goal to just stay away forever, but part of her was wondering why she even left if she was going to end up right back there.

She stood up and toyed with her necklace, her cross that had been around her neck for longer than she could say. She went into her bedroom and turned the light on. She groaned inwardly, as she hadn't made the bed a few days ago but had not been back since. Inside she knew she was doing the right thing, by spending more time at home, but part of her worried that she would be left in the dust alone while Mulder ran off into the darkness. She raised her fingers to her temples and massaged, hoping that their troubles were in the past. It was difficult for her to fathom, but she really felt that he was all she had left. She cannot even count the number of times she has avoided thinking that she is all he has; for one, it was too much pressure and also, she felt less guilty about leaving him when she ignored that fact.

She packed a bag of clothes and then went into the bathroom and packed up her bath oils, salts and bubbles. She packed up her hygiene products and looked around her living room before heading out. She paused after glancing at her desk, and walked over, opening the drawer. She pulled out her bible, and opened it up, sliding out the small picture of her baby. She let out a deep breath, closed the photo in the book, and slid it into the side pocket of her bag. She took a last glance around and turned the light off before heading out to her car.

He was in the kitchen when she arrived. She set the bag down near the couch and took her coat off, laying it over the couch. She briefly let her eyes fall on the chest before walking into the kitchen.  
"Hey Scully, glass of wine?" He came toward her with a glass and bottle, with a towel slung over his shoulder. She toed off her heels and welcomed the glass. She observed his face while he poured her wine.  
"Thank you," she said and slid into a chair. He walked back to the stove and set the bottle of wine down next to it, returning to the bubbling pot. She observed him tinkering around while she ran a finger around the rim of her glass.  
"What's on your mind," he asked, stirring the soup.  
"How do you know anything is on my mind?" she asked and sipped the cabernet.  
"I can feel it, I could cut it with a knife," He turned around and pulled the towel off his shoulder, tossing it on the counter before sitting in a chair next to her.  
She took another sip of her wine in response.  
"And what would be the "it" you're referring to?" She asked. "And what are you cooking?" she motioned toward the pot on the stove.  
"The "it" would be the atmosphere that wafted in with you and 'that' would be vegetable stew." He reached forward and pulled the glass of wine from her hand, taking a sip. "I didn't have any other clean glasses," he slid the glass back to her, and tapped his fingers on her hand.  
"Well," she played with his hand, "I'm just trying to process this…. Whole entire week," she admitted with a shake of her head.  
He nodded. "Yeah it's… been quite a week," he leaned back and scrubbed the side of his face with his hand. "How are you feeling?" he asked. She looked at him, confused.  
"I… are we going to talk about our feelings now, Mulder?" she took another sip of wine.  
"Well maybe that's something we should do more of if this," he motioned between the two of them, "is going to work out," She immediately wrinkled her forehead.  
"Mulder, what're-"  
"That's not what I mean," he immediately leaned in and grabbed her hands on the table. "I just mean I don't want you to leave again and I don't want to get sucked in to the mysterious darkness, I'm just… trying to do something different. We've never really done this," he explained.  
She shook her head and leaned back. She looked away and then looked back at him. "Well, I suppose…. I'm feeling…" She looked around the kitchen. Why was this so hard?  
"I mean you don't have to I just thought-"  
"I'm feeling really overwhelmed," she said and met his eyes again. "And I don't… I haven't even accepted my mom…" she swiped at a stray tear. "Or what she said, and then the letters," she was openly tearful now.  
He nodded and scooted his chair next to her. "I know," he pulled her into his side. He rubbed her arms and kissed her forehead. "Well, we can always read more about the mystery of William's hidden vegetables over our vegetable stew," he said and reached for her wine glass again. She swiped it before he could drink out of it and he laughed.  
"Yeah what's that all about, you never shy away from any possibility to eat meat," she said and drank a sip of wine.  
"I, I am trying here, you know, trying to make you happy," he joked and took the glass of wine.  
"Mmm yes, I can tell," she smiled and leaned back into his embrace. She kept thinking that there is nowhere else she would rather be.


End file.
